“It was wonderful to work with something so beautiful.”
Nelli Matula returns after a one-and-a-half-year break. The journey back to the music world demanded a lot. Now, her most important realization is this: sometimes less is enough.
Eight years ago that autumn, Nelli Matula, 28, would wake up at around three in the morning on weekdays. She got up, brushed her teeth, tied her hair into a ponytail, and traveled from Espoo to the city center.
Nelli, who had graduated from Kallio Upper Secondary School of Performing Arts, had considered applying to the Theatre Academy and Aalto University’s kauppakorkeakoulu. In the end, she decided to study to become a baker-confectioner. Her studies were nearing completion, with only the final internship left to finish her qualification.
– I have always loved cooking, baking and spoiling my loved ones,” says Nelli.
For a long time, Nelli thought that the academic world would be the direction she would pursue. Her parents, who have an older son four years her senior, met at Helsinki University’s metsätalo.
– When I was little, my parents and their friends used to sing academic songs at the table and encourage me to go to university. I thought that was how my life would go too.
On the bus ride to the city center, Nelli listened to Tinashe. Once she arrived in Kamppi, she walked to her internship at Patisserie Teemu Aura. Often, her job was to use tweezers to place gold decorations on pastries bound for cafés. The work was meticulous and visual.
– It was wonderful to work with something so beautiful.
Even though everything was going well and Nelli felt she was following one of her callings, something was missing. Her biggest dream had yet to be fulfilled.
– I had been writing songs since I was a child, singing, and taking dance and music lessons. It was clear that my number one dream was to be an artist.
While working at the patisserie, Nelli met producer Johannes “Kiro” Naukkarinen, who moved in the same circles. He has since become known for, among other things, Käärijä’s song Cha Cha Cha.
The two became friends and decided to spend the weekend at Johannes’s home studio in Jyväskylä. Nelli and Johannes discussed what kind of music Nelli would like to create. They listened to Chris Brown and Tyga’s song Ayo and wondered if a similar sound would work in Finland.
Nelli then wrote.
Studies in classical flute and pop/jazz singing at the Espoo Music Institute gave Nelli confidence. When she jumped on the train back to Helsinki on Sunday, she had a demo with her.
– Over the weekend, we made a song called Kato vaan, which became my first single.
After that, I had to go back to the patisserie for a while.
– For some reason, chefs and rappers move in the same circles. That was my luck.
On Monday, Nelli shared about her weekend music sessions. One of her colleagues listened and mentioned that Rähinä Records was looking for new artists. Nelli’s heart skipped a beat. Could she send her music to them? She mulled over the information for a few days.
– II thought about what to do and whether I dared to. I grew up in circles where every other person dreamed of an artist career and fame. It took me a while to realize that I could actually pursue the same dream.
Nelli decided to try.
She wrote a detailed message to the record label, presenting her vision of the kind of music she wanted to create and why it was needed. She also included her five-year plan and résumé.
– Later, I heard that the representatives from the record label had never received such a carefully crafted message before. Soon, I got an invitation for a meeting, which I attended with my father.
Nelli’s methodical way of working is typical of her. She says she still prefers to be early rather than late and values sticking to agreements. She credits her upbringing for this.
– My parents have always emphasized the importance of respecting others. The fact that I don’t make people wait reflects this.
In early 2016, Nelli signed a record deal with Rähinä Records. Her dream had come true. The feeling was a mix of happiness and disbelief.
– I thought, now I can die in peace. I got the record deal I had dreamed of since I was in kindergarten, when I used to imitate Shakira in front of the mirror.
When Nelli was organizing her studies to become a confectioner, one of her teachers asked if she was the only child in her family. The comment amused her. Nelli believes the teacher was referring to how determinedly she moved toward graduation—how she dared to propose and demand things.
– My mother has always said that I’m a trailblazer. It’s as if there’s a map in my mind that tells me how to move forward. When I follow it, things usually fall into place.
Life hasn’t always been just ease and success.
When Nelli was in primary school, she was bullied. Nelli didn’t fit with the expectations set for girls. She was loud and not afraid to speak her mind. That didn’t always please everyone.
– I was a girl who behaved like a boy and was often the only one in detention on Fridays. Fortunately, there was endless encouragement at home. My confidence came from there.
Although it is still difficult to talk about bullying, Nelli thanks a few of her friends and cousins.
– They have always walked alongside me.
The late grandmother, who suffered from Alzheimer’s disease before her passing, also deserves thanks. In her final years, when she still recognized Nelli, she often recalled a memory from when Nelli was four. The Eurovision Song Contest was on TV, and Nelli quietly watched the performances.
– Eventually I realised that I was there too and everyone was looking at me.
Gratitude is something very recurrent in Nelli’s speeches. She was grateful to get a record deal and grateful when her first single was played on the radio. She was grateful when she made her third album, which will be released soon, and grateful now that her latest song Sä voitit jo is out.
– I don’t take anything for granted. Many people overwork themselves and still don’t necessarily get what they want. My profession is an incredible privilege.
Nelli still sometimes finds it hard to understand that she makes her living by composing, writing lyrics and telling stories about her life. The days don’t feel like work, they come alive. To play, and to experiment.
– Being an artist is both a selfish profession and a service. I can share my own thoughts. But I have to do it in a way that gives insights, joy and comfort to those who listen.
The elements of her work have always been present in Nell’s life. She can’t remember a time when she wasn’t dancing or singing. When the others went to the mall after school, Nelli went to practice.
– I often have the feeling that I have been practising for this my whole life. I’ve poured all my focus into this.
Nelli also vividly remembers a moment when she was chatting with an acquaintance in the school hallways. The two were wondering what to do after high school. The guy wasn’t sure. Maybe high school.
– I realised how valuable it is to have a direction to go in.
It also took the mother of an old classmate to help push Nelli towards her goal.
In 2008, Helsingin Kaupunginteatteri published an advertisement in Helsingin Sanomat, looking for a child actor for the upcoming musical Maija Poppanen. The mother of a classmate called Nelli’s parents and said, “Please have Nelli apply for the position.
As the father drove his daughter to the audition, he reminded her not to be disappointed if she didn’t get the part.
– In the same breath, he added: “Get excited and enjoy the chance to get on stage with the professionals.”
This is what a 13-year-old did. She went and enjoyed herself.
When Nelli made it through the first qualifying round, she was amazed. The thrill and exhilaration of performing was overwhelming. Eventually, Nelli was cast as one of the main child actors. The feeling was unimaginable. Until then, she had paid to dance and sing.
– Suddenly I was performing alongside professionals for two years. This was one of the turning points in my life and one of the most important experiences I’ve had in show business.
It was only later that Nelli began to realise that the musical role provided much more than just professional development. The musical’s theses also had an impact on her thinking. Several nights a week, Nelli would repeat lines on stage that said anything was possible if you didn’t get in your own way.
– It was like adding fuel to the fire. I wanted to strive for more.
A year and a half ago, Nelli hit a turbulence she had never experienced before. It all started slowly. At one point, Nelli began to wonder why she often felt so powerless and tired. Foggy and sick with a cold.
Nelli did a lot of gigs and tours, but she knew it wasn’t just the busyness. Something was wrong. She went to countless doctors, blood tests and examinations, but nothing abnormal was found for months. Finally, one doctor made a diagnosis that changed Nelli’s life.
– I was diagnosed with incurable genetic immunodeficiency called CVI. When I was diagnosed, I had to cancel my gig and focus on getting better.
CVI is extremely rare and means that the affected person’s body does not produce any antibodies. It turns out, for example, that Nelli had been out on tour the previous spring with pneumonia.
– But I couldn’t stop myself, because I didn’t get a fever because of the CVI.
Nelli talked more about her illness on the Talk Show podcast with Aki Linnanahte in August. This is as far as she will open up about her illness. Nelli does not want to be defined by CVI.
– I will continue to tell about myself, but i’ll do it in my music, not on magazine covers. The only reason I told you was so that listeners would have a reading guide to my songs.
Now Nelli is doing well. Everything is better. Papu the dog and her husband are waiting at home. Nelli is happy that the illness forced her to eradicate perfectionism and learn that not everything has to be done to the max. This was difficult.
– There is a certain performer in me to the end. On the one hand, that’s good, because going all out sends a message that I respect what I do. But sometimes less is enough.
During the break, Nelli was working on her third album, among other things. Dreams began to bubble again. Nelli wants to be an artist and performer who offers her audience joy, love and holistic experiences.
– Britney Spears and Beyoncé, who I admire, have always made it big. That’s why I can dream of an arena gig.
In the same breath, Nelli adds that she is grateful for this too. For all that she has already received and achieved, like performing at Ruisrock’s Rantalava two summers ago. She had never been as excited as she was that night in July.
– I was very respectful of the opportunity and wanted to do my best.
At the moment, my mind is already firmly focused on the upcoming Tavastia gig, which will kick off the tour. Nelli was nervous about whether the audience would show up, but ticket sales have been going well. Nelli feels that she will return stronger and more graceful. The illness was a crisis that forced her out of her comfort zone.
– Someone said that a good crisis should not be wasted. This did not happen. I chose to be grateful for this too, even though it was difficult and took time at first.
Nelli also stands up to cynicism, name-calling and nastiness. She returns to musicals once more. Many people have told Nelli how they hate musicals because they are silly and childish.
I think it’s sad. Where is your inner child and your willingness to take risks? I don’t understand why we so often sit with our arms crossed, criticizing others. Let’s live and let go. Enjoy.
The last few years have brought self-awareness and strength. There’s something new in the growth. Although talking about painful experiences makes Nelli nervous, she believes we all benefit if we dare to open up our insecurities, fears, and sorrows, even just occasionally.
– I don’t want to be in a place of fear in my life. I choose to be brave. I hope it helps someone else too. I’m grateful that I’m living my calling and purpose.
